Showing posts with label universal pictures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label universal pictures. Show all posts
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I thought they'd switch bodies :o

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No gagging can be enough for this one! Α silly, indifferent parody of a comedy with very few actual comic means and endless baloney floating on screen for about one and a half hour.
 
Identity Thief. For starters. A random fat woman with many names steals the identity of Sandy Paterson to live better by overindulging spending that even a super-consumerist fashion victim would find too much. Let’s call her Diana since she kept this name and we can’t argue with 473 pounds of human mass...
Sandy is an accounting director in a big company, married with two daughters. He’s looking forward to a promotion but he ends up with his thumb up his butt.
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Diana, who’s psychologically mental, tries to fill in all her psychotic vacuums with various tricks. Using Sandy’s money then she revels and has a good time out, even when threatening to hang herself from a chandelier.
 
Sandy starts to grasp what’s going on and searches for the identity thief. After 25 mins and another 25 yawns, we see him playing policeman to hunt down Diana. He finds her place in Colorado, which looks like a telemarketing store with chinese stuff, and from now on we got Action!
 
The film tries so hard to be a good adventure comedy, I can’t comment on how much suspense it made to bring. It can’t find anything more original than car crashes, while the amount of funniness in Sandy’s helpless effort to convince everyone his name is unisex runs out very fast. The same applies for the “broken-dick” card, Diana’s clumsiness, boring scenes like that sumo sex-fight, throw-up scenes and saliva.

As for those drama situations, where the director tries to make us sympathize a fat person bearing a bunch of complexes, and the causality system he uses, are just not good enough. Maybe for a Golden Berry award...

After 100 mins of movie here comes a namby-pamby, boring, almost predictable ending. Melissa McCarthy uses her natural appearance to play her role, which she does well. Jason Bateman probably realizes the plot can’t compete and therefore he doesn’t bother to act with less fatigue. All in all, it's them who hold the story from fading.

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Mommy, you rock!

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A father and husband murders his wife and takes away his two little daughters, Victoria and Lilly. In a very brilliant state of mind, he drives his Mercedes as fast as there's no tomorrow on a road full of snow along a cliff.

Naturally he walks out of the overturned car with a few bruises, as the accident is just an early directional trick to trigger suspense and drama. Deep in the woods the loving father finds shelter in an abandoned house, with ghostly feng-shui. Something spooky there and apparently more caring for the kids decides to get rid of the Boogey-Daddy before he gets rid of his daughters. 

Five years later Victoria and Lilly are found exactly where they were left, how convenient!, by their uncle. Lukas is to take custody of the girls, along with his girlfriend Annabel. Notably, Annabel is a rock fan, has a tattoo, probably worships Mick Jagger and close people call her "dude".

Both girls seem to go mental as they live with Lukas and Annabel (who wouldn't?!), acting like stars in a documentary on lion breeding. They walk at four, rarely speak, like to have dilated pupils and are manipulated by a black shadow they call "Mama", who feeds them big juicy blackish moths.


Lukas, being an original dumb ruffie, didn't get a wind of any part of this creepy show. And pays the price by finding himself laying on a bed in the hospital. Annabel however grasps the idea and is left alone to deal with madness. Mama lives in the walls, is extremely jealous of Annabel ( women...) and feels herself at home, entering any time she likes.

The psychologist watching Victoria eventually realizes the voices she hears might not be the product of her imagination. So he begins an investigation that reveals all the airs and graces of this decrepit and vengeful spirit, which was once a sinful but insane mother.

As another Helmut Newton, the psychologist wants to take live photos of Mama, having no hint at all that she is not Marylin and might not "cooperate" in posing for his ambitious pic picking. Like all "giant" scientists, he finds it very clever to go search for the hundreds year old spirit all alone...

The film ends with a teaching on compromise, rather unorthodox though, in which the man (Lukas) is a walk-on and a rock girl (Annabel) who never thought of being a mother, argues with the spirit of a crazy woman over mothering two troubled kids. All this mess, and we never got hold of how exactly the damn ghost thinks. No parenting pattern, no good rock music, no sex. Just Jaimie Lannister in another stupid fling.